"it wears me out"

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 03:09:35 GMT

If I can't stop now, I'm going to die from this disease. I don't trust myself anymore. Getting better is a daily lie. I have no idea where to seek support or who to talk to. The people closest to me know that I'm sick but it's not a big deal. "she's getting better" I'm doing so well infact that every time I am alone, without fail, I am eating to puke. Too ashamed to ask for help. If I were really sick enough, someone would notice, someone would take this seriously. Blowing things out of proportion. Fuck. Why isn't there any support for bulimics online? I'm going to die. I'm ruining my health and life. Liar. Fake. My boyfriend is on his way over. I really need someone to be there for me right now. But my eating disorder fucked with my last relationship. and really, how fair is it to tell someone you love that you're killing yourself and that there is probably nothing they can do about it. So alone. Such a fat fake. Attention whore. Whiner. Such a suffocating and worthless person. Why am I so needy? Why am I so weak, constantly feeling sorry for myself? I want to hurt myself, but I know that's just attention getting behavior. Whore. This is going to kill me. I'm going to rupture my stomach. How embarrassing. I have a friend that pretty much recovered from bulimia, she still purges once or twice a year. I wish I could talk to her. Why should I waste her time with my snivling? I can't sleep again. I wake up every hour and my mind races at night. Is there any dignified way to kill ones self? Probably not. Don't listen to me. I'm just sad and trapped in a house with myself. I felt better than I have in months this morning. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. I'm going to stop stepping on the scale and hopefully avoid counting calories. I never want to feel fullness ever again. I'd better get dressed before he gets here. My face is swollen from crying. Oh dear. Oh fuck. Keep my mouth shut. Just be grateful someone can stand me.

lets keep motivated!

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:31:05 GMT

Does anyone else have an account on Myspace or Everydayhealth.com ?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/profile/imacreep08
http://www.myspace.com/imacreep08

Friends Only

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:28:25 GMT

Leave a comment if you're interested in reading.

How am I not myself?

"it wears me out"

lets keep motivated!

Friends Only